I remember vividly receiving a call at home one afternoon when I was still in primary school. I was shocked, my hands shook and I burst into tears after hearing the news. My mother saw me and was horrified. She kept asking me what was it but I just couldn't say a word. My grandfather passed away as was hit by a taxi so hard when crossing the road in a green light. The taxi was pushed forward by the car behind for some reason. This is the first bereavement and grief I ever experienced as far as I could remember.
He was a kind and knowledgeable gentleman and was a lighthouse to my mother and me. I still remember promising him that I would take him to tea house for dim sum when I grow up and start making money. Sadly I would never be able to fulfill my promise.
It was then followed by the passing of some senior relatives, colleagues and my 97 years old grandmother. Over the years, there were a couple of sudden and traumatic death and it was unimaginably hard especially when there were different complications in the process. Fortunately, I have support from family and friends. I take relevant courses, do lots of reading, physical exercise as well as practise mindfulness.
William Worden, a professor of psychology states that grief is a process that has to be actively worked through, not a passive process that happens to an individual. He believes that it is possible to have an incomplete bereavement, just as it is possible to have incomplete healing of a physical wound.
Besides death, there are other types of losses such as divorce, breakup, retirement, loss of a job, loss of trust in a friend, moving, loss of health, loss of good eyesight, social status or possessions.
Suggested practice
count the blessings received from our losses such as the deceased, relationships or possessions
practise for short periods of time and do it frequently (時間短, 次數多)
share your experience with family and friends
Further information:
Basic principles that could be helpful to someone experiencing loss and grieving by Dr Howard Winokuer (5.17 mins)
The Challenge of Grieving for a Pet at Work (3.40 mins)
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