I was rushing to the front door trying to catch the bus. I didn't want to be late again. All of a sudden I heard from my back: "miss you!"
I had been wrapping up some year end projects in the office and so went home late all the time. I was told that my mother always asked about me. She even pretended asleep in bed trying to wait for me just to see me and say goodnight. When she heard me opening the front door, she immediately went out of her room and greeted me with so much joy and love in her eyes.
When I think back, she always waited for me whenever I went home late at night since I was at school. But now I have grown up with my well established career and yet she hasn't changed! And even when her health is deteriorating. I am always her baby girl in her eyes.
She has been aging rapidly and suffering from multiple diseases. She needs a lot of support in the daily life activities. I love her as much and maybe even more than she loves me. I was really concerned about her and tried my best to look after her taking care of all the details from my perspective. I did all I could to make things easier for her and trying to make her feel more comfortable. But there was a lot of resistance from her. She sometimes got emotional and sort of fight back. She did things her own way even after a few accidents at home. We had lots of conflicts.
I am confused even now on whether it is her personality that she became more stubborn when she got older, or she was affected by her illness. I have had lot of questions and doubts and worries. I tried to seek help from doctors and medical professionals. I did online research and I asked around trying to get to the bottom of it. Unfortunately, none of those things helped. I felt helpless with tremendous fear inside.
Do you understand how it feels like taking caring of aging and ill and stubborn parents? Do you know how difficult it is!
Luckily my friends dragged me to take some relaxation classes to release my emotions. And here I am. I can finally hear my mother's voice "miss you!". It is an enlightening experience. I then started to observe her conditions, her likes and dislikes, and more importantly her needs. This experience has opened up a door for us to have real communications. We now have a much better relationship and we do spend quality time together. I feel blessed!
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